Before we delve into my therapeutic approach, I think it’s best that we clear up the misconception of what resiliency is. We often hear “I don’t want to be strong, I’m tired of having to be strong, and, I just want to be able to feel what I’m feeling.” These sentiments are dead on and what building resiliency is all about.
We often confuse resiliency with being able to set aside our human emotions and power through our struggles without addressing our suffering. This is not strength, rather it is avoidance. It takes courage and a level of vulnerability to be able to sit with the tough emotions and sometimes avoidance feels safe so no wonder it’s easier to avoid those tough but ever-nagging emotions. However, avoiding your emotions to “stay strong” is not how resiliency is developed and can be damaging to our mental health. We often become worn out and depleted and tired of “having to stay strong.” Although not always easy, when we allow ourselves to experience troubling emotions, we can work through them, learn acceptance, and develop tolerance.
This is why having a safe space to explore ourselves, the context in which we live, and our feelings is vital to our well-being. In this space, we learn the art of resiliency-developing the skills to work through our feelings so that we do not become prisoners of our hardships. Resiliency is the art of engaging in support to promote a healthy adaptation to our present circumstances.
The Process
Healing is not a linear process. Like a stream reaching its destination in the ocean, sometimes there will be still waters, and other times tall waves. The healing process is different for each individual and this is why it is so important to tailor therapy to your specific needs and context. This is also why engaging in therapy can leave us feeling vulnerable, we just don’t know what to expect. Sometimes it can help if we have a basic road map of what therapy looks like to help us prepare, of course keeping in mind that this process is not necessarily linear.
My approach is first to ensure that the therapeutic environment is safe and that emotional regulation is fostered. Once we have built trust in our therapeutic relationship, we can then begin to work through your unique emotional experience. When we process our emotions, we leave space for self-acceptance and presence. Using a compassion-focused lens we can foster self-acceptance which will help support cognitive behavioural techniques; while mindfulness can help bolster your sense of presence and discover your wise mind. Cognitive behavioural techniques teach us how to explore core beliefs and negative thinking traps. Once aware of maladaptive core beliefs and thoughts, we can begin to restructure core beliefs to align with your goals and aspirations in life. Finally, at the end of the process, we will have made room for resiliency and life satisfaction.